35 Things I've Learned at 35
Men in cropped trousers should not be trusted.
Too many things are best appreciated once they have long since passed you by - education, youth, people.
If you encounter a photobooth, go in and capture the moment, whether you are alone or with others.
Prawn crackers, pompadoms & chicken wings are hugely over-rated.
Every hours kip you achieve pre 12am is worth double the hours you clock up after 12am.
Drastically change your hair colour at least once in your life.
If criminals were repeatedly subjected to a Brazilian bikini wax as punishment rather than jail time, there would be substantially less crime commited.
Latin is a brilliantly useful thing to learn and everyone should have the chance.
Your parents will eventually begin to feel like your kids.
That thing you’ve been putting off - realistically what’s the worst that could happen? Just do it.
Read number 10 again, but this time believe it.
Never settle for adequate friends, adequate relationships, or adequate jobs. If you are patient enough, determined enough and brave enough, a really, really great one is within your reach.
If he looks like a duck, talks like a duck and acts like a duck, he’s an asshole and you should leave him immediately.
That problem that’s keeping you awake? Tell a friend - you’ll immediately feel 3 elephants lighter.
The internet is the worst thing humanity has created. Closely followed by tobacco, guns, and Donald Trump.
I can personally attest to the delight derived from having an entire Kipling’s Bakewell Tart for breakfast, but ultimately eating crap often and excessively just makes you feel crap.
Never go to sleep without giving the person beside you a kiss goodnight. Unless it’s a colleague and you’re hammered on a cost-cutting work trip.. because that would probably result in an instant dismissal come Monday.
End calls to family and friends with “love you” as often as possible.
You can never be over dressed or over educated.
Learn to enjoy the pleasure of your own company.
Ask everyone you love for their favourite recipes. Write them down.
Drink champagne as often as life - and funds - allow.
If people knew how much hard work babies and children really are, no one would have them.
Find an exercise you love so much, it doesn’t feel like effort (seated meditation totally counts).
Although it feels like you may die from that broken heart, chances are it will eventually heal and leave you that little bit tougher to crack.
Figure out how your bits work. What they enjoy, what they don’t. Once you have it sussed, share the information with someone you love (or someone you just met in the queue for McDonald’s at 2am).
Buy yourself a rampant rabbit for your next birthday. Thank me later.
If you find a book you love, write a note in the cover and leave it in a public place for a stranger to discover.
Do a course; make bread, crochet a bobble hat, achieve conversational Cantonese. Never stop learning.
If you think that skirt looks shit, it probably does.
Spend at least one day a week without any make up on.
Be aware of hours spent mindlessly sofa scrolling. Set limits and hide those devices.
Make time for dates; with your beloved, your mates, your mum.
If you can make a pot of soup, a roast, lasagne, and a Victoria sponge, you’re set for life.
Everyone is scared. Everyone is unsure. Everyone is making it up as they go along.. some of us are just better at pretending we have it all figured out.